I seen this on a t-shirt and i thought of candy... just in case you cant read it "PUT YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES ON & DEAL WITH IT!"

There is always one thing a girl should wear when back talking their mother and that is their star wars underwear if you dont have those then your up a creek with out a paddle.... This past week has been hard on me and mom its not that i dont trust her but maybe that i dont trus them.. i love my mother to much to see her get burned we have argued more this week then we have in the past 2 years or so. Over the same person. I love my dad and my mom i will do anything they as me but i wont do that i wont do it. I will write more tomorrow about the whole problem... anyways the first day candy she caught me off gaurd the broom was out of gas and i left the panties at home!! The second day i was prepared wore those panties over my pants and went in with no fear.... ill explain later!

Mom and Dad

I dont understand it some days i will ignore this blog and put it in the back of my head and some days i cant type fast enough to keep up with all the stuff in my head. Went grocery shopping today for the big turkey day spent money that i didnt want to come up off of because im a tight ass. Thankful for my mom to be here with me but still somethings missing as much as i try to ignore it i cant i want my dad to be here but i guess bitter sweet memorys. Some days i want him to be here and i cry about it then some days i get pissed off and think well he didnt want to spend time with me then what makes me think he will be there when he gets out. Im scared shitless that he will go back to doing what he did before i would sell me soul to the devil to know for sure he has learnt his lesson. But i guess i havent learnt my lesson to know i cant do it for them as much as i want to i cant make them do what i want them to do they are going to have to do it for there selfs there childern and for there grandchildren and future grandchildren i cant threatin them i know that makes them wanna do it even more i cant go every where with them because i cant have a life my self i dont want my children to be around it so i guess if they go back they will just have to do it with out me i cant fight this battle anymore there is no fight left in this dog. I wish my dad could be here i would enjoy his presents but i would rather have him straight as a board then so high he has no clue where hes at. So i hate to say it im thankful they got busted im thank ful they got sent to where they are ane were at maybe it will keep em' straight but who knows!

Back in the saddle again!!

Intresting thing i just got the internet back... its been awhile no I AINT DEAD.. selfish bastards lol this world couldnt survive if it wasnt for me pissin every body off! Things have been great real great haha i've spent some good time with my mother missing my dad counting the days til his arrival back home sooner then i think i hope. Between me and my mother and me and my other and me and how could i put her last my dogg Jazz things have been real great here in western kentucky except for the weather fuckin with me one minute im freezin my ass off the next im sweatin like a 2 dollar whore on pay day................. wish itd snow :'( i would really love to go see my father before or during the holidays just to be able to hug him tell him i love him and happy thanks giving and merry christmas and happy new year and i miss him would be great. Other than working my ass off lifes been kinda steady havent fought with you know who here latley i been i guess laid back and well i hate to say it loving too yeah i dont know what in the hell is going on with me but i guess its that time of year the baby making time... dont get no IDEAS candyland hells no i am not gettin prego any time soon!!!!!!

U know your at the bottom of life when you give up on everything youve ever known the last six years of my life has been hell and i will be the only one to sit here and admit it it has been hell would i do it all over again not at all do i regret the things i have done or said every damn one of them can i do anything about it.... yes i believe i can i can pick up the little pieces of my fucked up life and toss them in to the firey depth of hell and and take this fucked up life that he has so wonderfully picked for me and start all over again doing the things i wished i had done and making the right choices and seeing the people i want to see no one hovering over my sholder or tryin to be my daddy i have one of those already just one and hes sittin in Marion Adjustment Center and i love him with all my heart. Time to say the hell with fucking lieing ass men and hello Carrie.

Why am i doing this he asks because i feel like it and i have nothing better to do with my fucked up life then to make him fuckin suffer with me. I woke up this morning and told my self it was pick on him day he is my target for the day hell its a celebration we will make a week out of it any one wanna join?! So i wake up with the mind set that i hated him sooo damn much that i was going to get on his myspace and think of ways to piss in his wheaties he made it very simple for me oh yes no challenge needed i logged on to his my space what he does it to mine well he had a message i was like hmm wonder from who i check it and its from some girl he once knew in vincennese or where ever the fuck indiana sayin she has his movie well if i know L as well as i know L he doesnt let just any t0m dick and harry borrow his movies she was sayin she has his movie and he had hers how funny is that... ITS FUCKING HALARIOUS so i go to the girls profile still tryin to figure out how to work this damn internet and lap top as confusing as it is. i get bored with this girl and i go to his sent messages and there sat a girl named crystal suprising enough i couldnt find where he replied to her it says he replied or is the computer goofing up so i sit and cuss at the computer for about a minute i go to his trash..... (now if your a true myspacer you know once you delete something you have to go to his trash and delete it too) so any way there are about 3 deleted message the last one deleted was from a girl named stephanie now L has talked about this girl like a dirty slut ooooh yeah shes married and dating and seen her at the golf course with a nother man and has a child hell i dont know he pulls this shit out of his ass or something so i read his message to her and imediatly it pisses me the hell off and then i read her message HEY BABE well ive only known two kinds of people that have ever said that to a friend 1. a really old southern lady or 2. plain and simple a slut and well she wasnt number one so any ways here is there message

~Steph@nie~
http://www.myspace.com/88925995
Date:
Sep 20 2006 9:22 AM Flag spam/abuse [ ? ]
Subject:
RE: Hey babe!
Body:
I knew Josh wouldn't be happy...he messed up, cuz it will only get worse. So anyway, sorry I wasn't talking much last night, I had to get ready for work. Last night was my first night of bartending. I have been waitressing, but now I am making the money ya know? You should come see me one night. So how are things going?? What are you in Nashville for? I went and seen the Hinder, Nickelback, Chevelle and Hoobastank concert. Did you get the chance to go?? Talk to you later!! ----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Logan Date: Sep 18, 2006 7:53 PM Hey whatcha been up to...long time no talk...sorry, but atleast im not as bad as Josh which he suprisingly came and saw me the other day. He said hes hating his marrige. Love the new pics...lol..still kicken myself...Neway im in Nashville for two weeks so give me a call... Later Logan

my heart starts racing my hands form a fist im raging im ready to kill this fucking whore and him too if i could have gotten my hands on either one i probably would have well i tell him we need to talk he says he doesnt know why... of course deny thats what i wanted you to do play the game right little dick so he does he claims no harm no foul boy does he got life fucked up im so mad because hes lieing threw his fucked up teeth i wanna knock em' out of his head. so i begin to tell him what else i found i wont get in to the rest but he says im a shit starter see hes beginning to remember i woke up this morning and made a day out of it. He wont admit hes wrong nor will he admit im right so he goes and leaves while hes walking out the door im betting my self hes calling her and telling her what happened i just rained on there parade p here i am stuck in nashville tn because his dumb ass brought me here after me asking to stay at home becuase i was tired throwin up the entire way the both of us then hes so dizzy he cant drive i dont know where the hell im goin cant find my way out of a wet paper bag i get us here what the hell and then this... the hell im done with six years with him i never been so done in my life i dont even feel the slightest sad im sure it will come and im sure it will go but im not getting back with this fuck face.

Momma is coming home!!

The very next blog i write you for you to read.. will be that shes out and shes home! Its been on long very long year an shes almost home.

I heard in this song to day i cant remember the name of it but i think its by Rascal Flatts if im wrong im sorry but it goes "god builds mountains so we can learn how to climb" Ive came close to giving up and walking away from what i know best from what has made me a better person. And im glad i had the people their to push me and not let me give up that easy im half way there to having my family back with a little work and patience i might get the entire thing before i know it.
For those who has lost a loved one to drugs just know that there is hope if that are willing to see what and who needs them and if they understand how much it can hurt some one im not saying everyone will change it will take that person looking deep inside of them selfs and deciding what is more important. I pray my mother stays out and stays clean i cant make her if i push her she will want to to it twice as bad if i stand by her side and support her maybe she wont want to do it as bad. I want her to change the person she is but not who she is in her heart. She doesnt have to be a holy roller a church goer.. I just want my mother some one who is as straight headed and strong. I love my mother and father i dont love the decisions they have made i dont love the price they and i have paid but i do love who they are inside they are the reason i am who i am today they are the reason i have made the decisions i have and i love them no less. All i can say is that i pray she does what she knows is right i will love her no less but my faith will be ran out in two years my dad will be coming home and i want him to do the same as i want her to i cant make her you cant make her no one can make her it is up to her to make her self to look deep in side and to decide what needs to be done. I love my momma and my daddy i want them both to know that and i also want them to know i do not love some things they decide to do but i love them no less. MOMMA IS COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!

bite me

Well today wasnt the best i still give the world the big FTW with the finger and im pretty sure tomorrow will be worse

Ever feel like giving up saying the hell with every thing.. i guess every body has their day and i have had quite a few of them and to day my mind is full tired of thoughts that repeat them selfs.. its pretty bad you can prove your self wrong. I just want to give the world the finger and walk away..Those you thought were friends arent ive learned to not let anyone get to close to me because i have only had one friend that hasnt talked shit about me run out on a fight and leave me there to do it my self, use me in any kind of way. A true friend and they are so hard to come by now days and once you get a friend like that you still dont hold them that close well i made the mistake of holding so close and like sand i held it to tight and it slipped away.. she passed away... the good die young... Shes in my thoughts every day my mind still talks to her as if she was here i look at pictures of her to just think about the times we spent to gether... Rebecca (Becky) Louise Adams you are the greatest thing that has walked in and walked out of my life you taught me that friendship is so hard to come by, dont ever let any one tell you you cant because the hell with them you can, stand on both feet by your self dont depend on no one to be there when you fall.

I pray everything will turn out all right when my mom gets out i need her more then ever and i need her with out the drugs i need a mom a friend a teacher and a tour guide because i cant do this all my self.

Just wanted to post since i havent in like forever

I got the news yesturday about my momma and i cant say how happy i am granted it would be great to have both my mom and my dad out ( see how stingy i am) But i get one just one and i am happy to say its my mom. Mom is about a hour away in fulton she hasnt had it as bad as dad shes kinda been treated like david the first time he went in if you know my mom or my dad they took care of my brother gave him how ever much money he said he needed they didnt care how they got it as long as he had what he said he needed plus some i think that they thought they owed him that much since my grandma kept him all the time.. well thats been me ill be 20 in september and instead of my mom and dad taking care of me im taking care of them i go see my mom every week i work to give her the money she needs i dont give her $100 every week like she would like but i give her $100 a month i mean seriously where she gonna go to spend that u would believe she can make it last a month well i thought wrong there is something she does with that money but i dunno what she says things are expensive there which they probably are but i dont know about that. Well anyway i do as much as i can for her i
1. go to her house an get the mail
2. go see her every single week i drive a hour to do so.
3. make sure shes got a place to stay when she gets out on parole
4. give her money.
5 go to the lawyers office all the time when ever they say jump i say how high.
6. i do what ever they ask me to do
because why you ask? Because they are my parents they may not have been your ideal parents but they are MINE and whether or not they stand up to your standards they have supported me backed me up been there for me threw the most part and i continue to stand at there side proud with a smile on my face and i can look you in the eye and say i have faith that my mom and dad will get out and prove everyone wrong that keeps talking bad about them and saying that they wont amount to nothing when they get out. Because with out faith what HONESTLY what do you have.
My father has been the strongest person i know he has been the backbone of our family besides my grandma. My grandma didnt care who ran their mouth about her shed give em' the finger and walk way because if you didnt want a part of her she sure didnt need you. My grandma and grandpa taught my dad what a family is all about because his dad didnt have FAITH it took my grandma till the day she passed away to show my dad how short life is and how valueble it is.. with out my grandma there they were on their own threw this journey in life no one there to steer them in the right direction but me i helped i played a big part in keeping my mom and dad out of trouble but like every kid i grew up and couldnt wait to get out of kenucky moved to indiana which was a big mistake not only did i leave all my friends and family but i lost the only year i had with my mom and dad as a family.
With my dad being the back bone being said. You make wake up one day and be depressed and then your day get better and your not so depressed anymore well not my dad once hes down hes down for a long time. He wrote me a letter the other day its not really anybodys buisness what was in the letter but it made me cry because i cant go see him as much as i want to i hate it.. i have always been a daddys girl and my dad being 5 hours away is KILLING ME!!! I dont get to see him i give him as much money as i can its hard supportng him and mom. He feels alone he doesnt need to talk to a shrink none of that shit all he needs is his family a hug maybe to see people hes spent his entire life with hes been wanting to see me and mom and i cant wait for that hug from mom ive been waiting a year for i cant wait for the hug and the 5 hour visit with dad i been DIEING for mom maybe be in a hell hole but mentally dad is too. If your gonna blame someone for what they did dont blame either or blame both of them!

BY THE WAY MOM GOT PAROLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random depressing thoughts dont really know why...

Ever just have one of those days you just want to sit and cry? I usually don't get those I just brush stuff off and keep going but here lately I cant get my self to brush it off I sit and cry I really need to do something about it I cant keep doing this im tired of being this way I hate my self for it but what can I do you run from the problem and eventually it will catch up and bring you to your knees... I could keep it bottled up but I know how I am I will eventually blow up because im a walkin bomb. I guess first I need to find out what the problem is and try an figure out how to solve the problem.. finding the problem can be harder then it looks.. just tired of all the stress tired of all the shit tired of being a rock for people to lean on because I just feel like im failing at life feel like im tied up and going no where... an going no where fast.

I miss my dad I say that a lot but we are 5 hours away from each other had haven't had a real conversation in nearly 4 months it kills me to know that everything I have ever known is locked up behind bars but what can you do you know but sit by their side and tell them everything will be ok until you begin to wonder if your lieing to your self to. Is it all one big lie? Will it be ok? Questions that are in my head 24/7 365 days a year it will be a year in September since my mom and dad have made the biggest mistake of their lives and I know its killing them to know they are in there and knowing they should be out here with me holding me up helping me be strong helping guide me instead of it being the other way around.. The reason I know this is because there isn't a letter that my dad doesn't send me saying how sorry he is. I just want to know where the hell I messed up what did I fail in to deserve this.. Simple as that what the hell did I do. I don't know when I get knocked down if its im strong enough to get back up or is it im to stupid to realize to stay the hell down and take it. But no I get back up lick my wounds and continue to fight why because that's what my dad has always taught me.. That and never care what others think about me because im who I have to wake up with im who I have to deal with and if no one likes me the hell with them. I just don't understand how someone who can raise me the way they have and teach me the things they have turn up where they are?! But I guess that when your at the top there is only one way to go and that is down and that's where we are at rock bottom... Now its time to pick our selves back up and fight for who and what we want.

Johnny Depp

The sexiest man alive!!!!

Thinking

To get up and walk away from it all is what is easy, to through the towel in is what i can do but i will not i am determind to make this work i am determind to keep you here with me i have been this caged raging animal since i can remember tired of all the strings attached but i do it for you tired of all the sleepless nights and all the tears i have shed but i do it like a champ for you. You say im your world if i was your world why did you betray me like you did.. that is a question i choose not to press i love you for what you have done and i love you because not a day goes by i dont kick my self for not kicking you. There is nothin that can take the thought of you away your permently in my heart and in my mind i love you for who you are and what you have made me. Just know that i love you you are my family my heart and my soul you are the reason i get up each morning and continue to go.

Letter from dad

Today i got a letter from my father it was dated the 20th of this month and i think its weird that when im down he always seems to know an hes depressed to. He wrote me a letter and he feels horrible about what hes done.. not being here for me and he doesnt know how i feel and he doesnt know what i have wrote on my blog until last night i printed it off and sent it in to him. One thing that really make me break down and cry was when he said its amazing how a some one as small as 5 pounds and 4oz can wrap a 6'3" man around her finger. Anyone that knows me will tell you i'm daddys little girl. We have been to hell and back. I've seen that most people dont want to talk to their parents because of something thats happen.. me and my famiy have been threw some pretty hard stuff and we are stronger than ever. For some reason this is killing me i miss my family soo much. Im not going to say all of the stuff he said in the letter but it really touched my heart and makes me see why i was such a daddys girl and im still am.. while reading that letter i found my self crying so hard. GOD I HATE THIS!!!! July 4th is a bigg thing for my family as most holidays are.. we usually grill out and then later that night try to blow our selfs up.. i usually am the one running for cover because there is no telling what the hell dad came up with no telling what hes built or welded last year was dangerous but fun! Well that is my daily blog im blogged out i guess i will go watch the biography of Johnny Depp and cry and write my dad back!

This it to David

The reason i write this to you because you are my annoying retarded asshole brother. Why do we fight... why do we argue.. because we are brother an sister and as much as i hate to admitt it there is nothing that can change that. You are my other half i wouldnt claim if my life depended on it at times. But when you want to be you are a great brother you will kick any bodys ass that tries to step on me and wont think twice about it no matter how big they are. I hate the conversation we had before you went back.. but words have been said and neither one of use can change that we cant take things back we can say sorry and forgive but we both know neither one of us will forget. I just wanted to say i love you keep your head up i miss you all though i hate to say it.

This is to you momma

Times change and poeple do to just know what has changed has made us stronger. All I can say is the pictures speak for them selfs how much we have all changed but never grew a part. There are several people that have influenced me but none that have done what you have!Although we have had a out battles an some words have been said but we both know were we stand as mother an daughter. You have took care of me and nursed me threw my sickness and held my hand when I thought I was alone turned me in the right direction when you felt that I was goin down the same road you did. I know all you ever wanted for me is the best and I love you for that all those times you were preaching and yelling at me you and dad both didn't want me making the same mistakes you did and I can never say thank you so much for being hard on me sometimes and for givin me a enough string to hang my self at times haha that's the only way you ever knew if did something wrong. Thank you for speaking your mind when you knew i didn't care because that made me always think of what you would think. All the advice u and dad have gave me I hope I can give it to my own one day. Thank you for being my best friend my worst enemy LOL and my mother. You helped me except people for who they are never judge some one never put a label on them everyone is equal.. let them tell their own story and all I can say is THANK YOU. Times have changed and we have taken things for granted and some things to heart but atleast we still have each other. You don't know how much it means to me that I still have you guys with me heathly... happy maybe not extremely happy but I told you things could be worse. I have seen you scrap the bottom of your pocket for money but no matter what you and dad always seemed to make sure we had everything we needed and we were happy. And that taught me that even if you have nothing in this world as long as you got family you have the world you have love. Thank you for standing beside me when I needed your opinion when I moved to Indiana and thank you for making me realize how valuable your parents are and making me realize there is no place like home. I love you and I miss you and although I may never say it thank you for workin all the minimum wage jobs to make sure we had a home and had food thank you for making me see that you and dad are my hero. I don't look at you any different there is nothing in this world that can change that im sorry for the time we have spent apart last year and I would make it up and change a lot of things if I had the chance but what I have over come has made me stronger. I love you and miss you just know that you are my hero and we will make up for the lost times when you get home this time we will be closer stronger and ready to kick butt!!!!!!!!!

Love you
Your daughter
Carrie

Happy Birthday Dad

Once more although you may not ever see this or ever take the time to read this I just wanted to say the things im not able to say to you. You are turning 45 years old today I cant believe your getting old LOL.. Yes 45 is old since I can remember your 28th birthday and grandmas and I can remember your 30th birthday at the lake and you almost had a midlife crisis that soon haha.. God I miss you there is not a day that goes by that I don't ponder the fact that it will be 3 years before we ever get to have a normal father daughter relationship again or be a normal family. Please don't let that place change you I love you the way you are I don't look at you any different your still my father my friend and my teacher I miss you so much!!!!!!!!! Some times life isn't so fair but we all have to pay the prices for the choices we make whether they are good or bad. I don't look at you any different your still my daddy and you raised me to be the woman I am today and I think you did a pretty good job. I remember rushing to the truck just to get to go to food world with you. Those are times we both took for granted. When granny died I learned that you never know when the next day may be the last you never know when tomorrow will never come or one day you will be forced to be away from the ones you love the most. I just want you to know that you are my father and there is nothing going to change that, nothing in this world and I pray please don't let that place change who you are.. Just your habits haha. We are a strong family and I say that because we have been to hell and back and we will still fight for each other, stand be side each other no matter who or what tries to come between us. All I can say is thank you for the courage you have gave me the strength to keep goin when I fall on my face and all the times when you were there for me when I felt like no one was there. I still think about when granny died and I felt like no one was there and each time I turned there you were to hold me up, to let me cry, and to keep me company when I felt like my world was crashing around me, to hold my world up as I watched it fall. To back me up and help me move to Indiana when you completely disagreed with me and even though it was hard for you to let it go you still did it and at times to stand behind me even if you knew I was wrong. The time we had as a family was short and cherished but we will pick it up as soon as you and mom are both home!. I miss you guys more then you will ever know or ever imagine. Happy 45th Birthday I hope to see you soon I love you and miss you extremely.

Love you always
your little girl
Carrie

Random Thoughts

Id take it all way the hurt and the tears to see you smile again. The pain that fills your body and the ache that fills your heart. Id give my life for you to have yours for you to be happy. I stand a lonely person so empty never to be understood. To wake up and face reality I do not want, each day is harder than it looks. For it all to be takin away so fast. I blinked and you were gone from my life but never from my heart. My mind swirls with the memories of you and how things use to be. I cried because you gone I cried because I have a fear of being alone. Alone is something I fear the darkness and the cold the emptiness and the sadness. You were my rock my shelter from the storm my eyes to see and my legs to stand and where are you? Why do you leave? Gone from my life gone from what I know best. To go on and live in this world that is gradually falling apart in front of me a little piece each day is dieing with in its self. Why do you tell me you love me and that you will always be here for me? Why do I dwell upon your existence each day of my life? I feel everything has been drained from my soul you have took my heart. Sayin hello to you I shall never, saying goodbye to you I still do. You are no more and I am dead with in so good bye to me and goodbye to you. You were the sand I held so tightly in my fist and I slowly watched as you slipped away threw my fingers you went never to be seen and never to be heard forever to be gone forever I stand.

A Poem Dedicated To My Family

A Familys Unspoken Words

Torn apart can it be put together again?
All the tears that have fallen
Watching everything fall apart in front of you
Hands tied nothing you can do
A family so empty yet so full
Full of Should have beens is what it is.

I sit and look at these photographs
How we’ve all changed an grown apart
No more cute dresses and bed time kisses
No more days together, smiles across my face
Criminal records and unspoken goodbyes
Have changed all that

So in a hurry to leave
Now id fight just to get back
You never know where you’ll go till you get there
But you always remember the way back
Tired of all the pain
Tears streaming down like rain

Sitting here seeing you smiling
My how the times have changed
Now the small amount of time I have with you is limited
Between handcuffs shackles and glass windows
Leaving is always harder then it seems
Saying good bye I shall not.

Turning and walking away is a knife that shoves deeper inside
Everyday that I don’t see you brings on a new pain
I’ve been threw this for so long
I don’t know why I cant kill the pain
Hanging up the telephone is like taking my last breath
As easy it may look but its as hard as it seems.

Happy Fathers Day To You

Happy Fathers Day to you

Although you wil probably never see this i wanted to tell you happy fathers day... This is just one of the special holidays we will spend just like any other day for quite some time. I hope your happy i know your not screaming with joy but, i know your still with me. Dad people make mistakes some more serious then others but that doesnt change the way i feel or the way i look at you. I still am your little girl although we've changed, grew up or even been split apart we are a strong family and we will make it through hard times. You've taught me so much made me a better and stronger person. You taught me how to take care of my self whether it was with my car or just tryin to make it. But most of all you taught me that fallin on your face may hurt but you got to get up and come up swinging.. I love you and i miss you and im sorry we are apart. You are a great teacher a great friend and most of all a great father. I miss the days when i was little and i didnt have a care in the world some times i would trade what i have now just to go back then, to be able to do all the things i took for granted and you know those things. If i could change anything i would have spent more time with you and mom last year but you cant take anything back. Im just scared i wont have long with you and its not fair that we dont get to spend as much time to gether as i wish we could i just wanted to tell you how much i miss you and how much i appreciate you i love you keep your head up... things get worse before they get better.
I love you
Your daughter,
Carrie

Very upset today!

Today I wake up and do my normal routine, then I find my self sitting in front of the computer checking for any sign of existence in the virtual world. I check my myspace then I check my messagers just in case I missed something or someone missed me then I check my site meter and once again its the badgering bitch I have never met that seems to enjoy my writings enough to keep coming back ironic enough her husband liked candy enough to keep coming back for seconds and thirds and some times ALOT more, Cant she get enough, what is it she wants a song and dance? It happened and he liked it and obviously he liked it more than you to keep coming back to say the words he said whether he says he ment it or not I seen the texts and I heard some of the conversations not once did I get in the middle of things not once did I care, Candy was happy and that is all that mattered to me. The you do a little searching being you knew he was making love to another woman but that wasn't enough for you OH NO you had to dig that little secret up and read on and on and on and on about the secret wonder woman that your husband was involved with, you had to know what she has that you didn't well I can start telling you but I don't want to waste my time on your sorry ass no more than I already have, You wanted to know if she kissed better than you you wanted to know if she had sex better than you or she looked better than you and so on and so on well he kept coming back he enjoyed every pumping moment he had he kept her a secret so he could have his cake and eat it too.. Now the truth is out and STILL Angie you cant get enough you still want more. You cant control that good for nothing husband he still calls he still calls and hangs up hmm is it him or is he lieing once again like he did before?! Im tired of you and your shit... you come to my blog lookin for something you missed you missed a lot whether you want to read it or not he was there they were there and it happened get over it. Is it a dirty little secret you just want to sweep under the rug? How come you keep coming back? Can you not get enough that your husband is a fuckin cheater?! I had nothing to do with this shit until you started coming to my damn blog I didn't have a thing to do with that bastard.. Or you.. Or your fucked up marriage! I minded my own business but being candys friend maybe I have a secret to tell.... hmm is that what thought well its not I have my own life and what happends in my life has nothing to do with you and your fucked up one. Now if you will go on an suck it up you both fucked it up. The book will be published soon so if you will gladly fuck off and go to hell and leave me out of you shit I will gladly stay out if there is anything you want to know of feel like you cant go on another second with out knowing why don't you e-mail me or candy?! get a life cause it seems you cant get enough of mine or candys that your is sooo bad you dont have any other reading material we wont tell you anything you dont know! U know what happened or do you? You say you want a perfect family or do you? You say you want him to be there for your kids or do you? What do you think about when he kisses you..well we all know who he thinks about when hes kissin you.


Heres a little Marcy Playground-- Sex and Candy for you
To sit and think
about myself
And then there she was
Like double cherry pie
Yeah there she was
Like disco superfly
I smell sex and
candy here
Who's that lounging
in my chair
Who's that casting
devious stares
In my direction
Mama this surely
is a dream

Missing My Dad

I thought i would never show this to anybody HA im such a dork but this is how much i miss my dad everyday brings on a new hurt! i dont think i can keep doin this shit! The good ol days were shit around me was happing and i didnt care as long as i had my daddy and M*A*S*H lol i miss the old bird but time can heal all wounds and can make things better :) We both know that candy land! Luv you and miss you awful!

Daniel Powter-- Had A Bad Day Lyrics

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to gray
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee you go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces every time
And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Dixie Chicks-- Not Ready To Make Nice Lyrics

Lyrics for "Not Ready To Make Nice"

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hellC
an’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

Depressed

Sittin here looking at photographs some send excitement threw my body thinkin wow I can remember when I did that or wow I looked good.. But theres always those that you will stumble upon not meaning to that will bring everything crashing to the ground.. I know things always get worse before they get better or at least thats what they all tell me anyways.. Well I feel the worse has came and gone and its time to shine a little light in on my situation.. Time for mom to come home and start a fresh new life and be happy and wait on dad to come home to and with a little time and help we will hopefully all be together again but things never go as planed EVER! So im dreading the long road a head of me! Im scared of the bumps and turns im scared of not knowing what will come!

Growing up in the family I have, I have learnt to give hope and maybe things will pull threw.. hope is what i got but my family isnt. I was sitting down to day and I was going to attempt to write, something I haven't done in quite some time I couldn't get my mind to stop wondering.. Its seemed to be hard to do now days! Time apart can that be made up for? Can you teach an old dog new tricks? Do things really happen for a reason? These are some of the questions I find my self pulling my hair out over from day to day... waiting on the next letter waiting on the next im ok. Times have changed and so have the people around me I just hope they can keep up. I miss them I love them and I pray for them... but is that enough? Can I do this!!!!!!!!! I told her I will be her legs to stand I will be her wall to lean on I will be her best friend and I will be her eyes to guide her threw the rough and tiring journey thats a sacrifice I am willing to take to see her smile...

A smile makes it all go away, a laugh makes me ok, to see her to know she's ok makes me sleep at night. What makes me have the nightmares is never seeing him, hes a tough old bird and he even says so be can words be enough to satisfy me? No I want proof I want to be able to give him a hug to tell him I love him and not to worry about me im ok I love him and things will get better soon.. right? I don't want to lie to him but if that makes it all better is that right? I lie to my self day in and day out telling my self it will all be ok.. to day will be better then yesterday I wont cry I wont be sad I wont do this to my self but then just like always I tuck my tail and cry wonderin what I did why, what ever it is im paying for it now!!

Update!!

Nothing to report for those whom it may concern or those who i am on your mind all the time.. Soon i will be able to see my father i hope starting to miss him awful! Been raining for like the last week but all is good seen my neice and nephew for 2 days soo what can be better than that!

Letting Go

"saying goodbye to your best friend is harder than it seems"

Deep Thought

Well today i sat here looking out the window watching it rain not really depressed just deep in thought. Missing my family and what could have been. I try not to dwell to much on them i usually paint on a pretty smile and tell everyone im ok and when some people second guess me i protest and continue telling them im ok. Some days im fine i dont bat an eye then theres those days i wonder if i can go on to the next all i want to do is sit and blame my self and cry. I'm a emotional rollercoster and i cant keep doing this. How am i going to live for the next 3 years with out my dad. My sister in law finally called me i had been worried sick about my neice and nephew she is more of a woman then i expected she had the balls to call me and i cant say how glad she did she let me talk to my baby girl let me tell her i miss her and i love her and let me tell her i want to see her she let me talk to my baby boy and let me tell him the same just hearing thier voices helped me a little bit i was able to take a deep breath and smile knowing that i will have them to look forward to, to watch them grow up in front of my eyes what more could i ask for if i cant have everything. I couldnt sleep last night everything on my mind im beginning to miss my dad real bad knowing hes up there all alone not knowing if hes ok missing him tremendously. I just miss being able to pick up the phone and call my mom and dad and tell them i love them and i miss them like i use to. There at the end i was talkin to dad on the phone more than i was talkin to mom he missed me so much wed talk for hours about anything and everything.

This morning waking up at 4:30am was weird i couldnt go back to sleep watched him as he left for work laid thier with this weird feeling still staring at the bedroom door with a feeling of.... kinda of emptyness and i dont really know why or have a explaination for it. I got up went to the bathroom came back and reached for the remote to the tv and there layed a blue post it saying "babe i love you so much, be carefull today" it brought a tears to my eyes. I begain wondering what i did to get that. Being selfish, being careless, having my head in stuff i shouldnt have, dealing with my familys shit? Then i thought maybe he does put up with alot of my stuff and takes it in stride. Hmmm.... how lucky i am.

About My Week

Nothin really happened today or this week except tryin to get finacial aid to go to MSU hopefully I can get it. Dads working on getting his G.E.D he needs it.. its a $150 dollars and 150 days knocked off his final sentence I hope he gets it my fingers are crossed. He finally got his home package hes happy for a little while LOL he has some of the comforts of home hes been happy to go to school every day so maybe things will work out. Im in the process of getting mom out for mothers day that would be a great mothers day present may be late but better late then never if I could only get the damn lawyer to work with me it would be great. UMM lets see I got a job interview for a supervisor job so hopefully I can get that (wish me luck candyland) I hope those star wars underoos have super powers (inside joke) cause ima gonna need it LOL... nah all I got to do is smile and bat my eyes and I got em' hook line and sinker HA!! just thought id say hey and god said HA!! I'll explain later!!!

Bored Thinking

Someimes you do things that you do not want to but they are always good for the other person. I've done alot of bad in my life and also a lot of good. Sometimes all the good you've done doesnt make up for all the bad. God keeps punishing me for all the bad ive done. Last month was a very depressing month for me it was the anniversay of my best friends death becky adams. She died 3 years ago in a car crash it was one of the hardest things for me to take in but i did and each year i hurts a little bit more. Everyone ive ever loved has been takein away from me and if you've read my blog you would know that i say that alot and its very true.. My grandmother who is like a mother in 2002 my best friend in 2003 my parents go to where they are in 2005 2 times. I do all i can to help then but sometimes it feels like it isnt enough will it ever be?!

Lurkers They Need Lovin Too

To the one who keeps returning to my blog for no apparent reason i was asked to play nice and keep my mouth shut about you or anyone else and that i have done! Now you are back and skating on thin ice you are now this blog does not concern you or you miss happenings now if you please step off (thank you candy). I've played nice and im not one to play. Im running on a very small fuse well you should all ready know why i mean hell you've done read my blog you should know me more than i know me..

I seen you behind a desk handed you a card told you what to do after that..... tell me 107 mean anything to you???? I did not invade on your personal life until you started i seen that you were invading mine and now you invading it again.. i do have a tracker on my blog and i do know when you come what time and day. This is my personal blog you do not know me nor i want you to becuase you wouldnt understand me. Why do i have it on the internet it i dont want people to read it you ask? That is because i can talk an post to a very dear friend of yours that happens to be so far but yet so close to me. Now if you've got time to sit and ponder over things your entire life the so be it just drop me a line and maybe i can improve on my writing to cater to your needs... please feel free to give your opinion!!

Seein My Daddy

Well this Saturday had to be one of the very few best days in my life. I finally got to see my father. Me and my trusty side kick you know who you are much love for you got up at 2am drove 5 hours straight had to be there at 8:30 might I add I made it there 30 minutes early drove up this beautiful long ass drive! I pulled up to the gate gave the lady our license scared of what would happen next due to never being there and this being a not so very nice place to be I was a little scared!!! She checked my car for drugs and or guns (like id have one!!) she seemed very nice and I think she could see the questionalbe face I had asked me if I had ever been here before I told her no she explained everything I had to do. I got out of my car and I felt like I had to throw up my heart wanted to go in and see him by my legs were so nervous they wanted to run the other direction.

I walked up to the counter scared and my legs shakin afraid they were actually going to give out right under me. The lady sets a clipboard on top of the counter I fill it out with my name and his name and I walk in to this big room like it was a school cafeteria with 50 or so tables just sitting some with 2 chairs and some with 3 the man with the keys instructs me which table I need to sit at I make my way I sit down waiting patiently looking around inspecting the place thinkin this is where my father will be the next 3 years of his life while waitin me leg is goin 90 to nothing under the table. Im not the put you on the spot kinda person. Finally I see my dad walkin in the same door I came in suddenly it really hit me I wanted to run and throw my arms around him but my legs wouldn't carry me, my legs on the other hand was tryin to run away. He walked up to the table were we were waiting on him we both calmly look at each other and hug sit down with tears in both of our eyes I knew he don't like cryin in front of people and I knew if I cried it would cause him to so I held them in and the next 5 hours were the best and fastest 5 of my entire life. We talked about the good ol' days we talked about stuff I needed to take care of we talked about him going to school we talked about everything.Right before we left I gave him another hug told him to keep his head up and that I loved him and I missed him and as strong as he could I held back all his tears and said "don't worry kiddo im a tough ol' man I can do anything take care drive safe I love you and miss you and tell your mom the same". I couldn't do it anymore I wanted to bursted out in to tears because leaving something is the hardest thing in the world to do. I strong in there for him but as soon as I walked out of that room I turned and looked there he stood with his arms crossed and his bottom lip quivering tryin his damnest to fight everything back but he wasn't accomplishing much I seen the tears running down his face and that's when I knew it was ok to cry to
I barley made it out of the place and I wanted to fall to my knees and scream why does this happen to me why do I always have to be the strong one why is god punishing me!!! I wanted answers I haven't been getting in the last 19 years. I made it to the car and that is where I cried till I fell asleep which was about a hour with my trusty side kick driving.

I said I hated my brother and he wished hed fall off the face of the earth too but now hes were they are at and im left alone once again with no body alone abandoned scared and useless I cant do anything and I am so close to giving up its not funny! But if I gave up then who would care for them and worry about them and talk to them?


NOTE TO SELF AND EVERYONE WHO READS THIS: The things or the people you have appreciate them love them care for them because you never know when they will be gone! And ever let someone you love slip threw your fingers because something terrible may happen to them its all in what curve ball god throughs at you next just be prepared!


Candyland its tough and I understand what your goin threw and I know your a strong person you can get threw this remember Yankee bitches wear starwars underwear (inside joke ya'll) and what knocks us down makes us stronger, yes? Keep me posted you haven't texted me yet don't make me borrow your broomstick and fly my ass up there and by the way hand over your broomstick there will be no flyin anytime soon!! Smile it does the body good!!!

Hard Times...

Being there is hard enough but bein with out them is even harder..

I never thought in my entire life i would be sitting in the position i am to day i thought i would lead a full and happy life well at least make it past 20 with my parents by my side... i know things could be worse but right now in my life they are bad enough.. to have every one i have ever loved and showed the slightest happiness to either die or be takin away
or sometimes its my fault i tend to push people away.. i do believe it is all fear... fear of getting close fear of being hurt so if i dont get attached and i push them away as soon as possible its less pain for me..

This past weekend has been one of hardest holidays to get past.. Holiday tradition has always been one of my familys biggest get togethers especially Easter.. im use to atleast my parents being there for me but this year i had no mom dad or brother some times things can be taken for granted but in the long run they are learnt to be well appreciated..

Easter is one of my familys biggest get togethers as a child it was my favorite part of the year its when the entire family got together.. well it was before i was aware of all the back stabbing that was happening right before my eyes or all the lies that was being told even to me... but at the time everything is so innocent to you everything is so keen in your eyes..

Not being able to see my dad on easter or anytime before has made me hit rock bottom within.. granted out of my 19 years i have learnt to paint on a pretty smile and giggle and laugh and people seem to think im fine but when i wonder of in my own little world or i get in a deep trance of thoughts they wonder why and how i can change just like that.. i dont know if it is so much just my thoughts or if its guilt in some way too because i know where my mom and dad are and i know where i stand i hate that every smile or laugh that i have its one more i cant share with them or one more they cant laugh with me.. once again you learn to appreciate the little things..

Although seeing my mom brightened up the day just a little bit but in the same sense it didnt she made me feel bad knowing we are so close but yet at the same time so far to see my mom right in front of me with in reaching distance but you cant touch her all you can do is visualize the window in front of you isnt there but it is so hard when there is a concret wall there also..

I do believe its not only my fault for me and my brother not speakin im as hard headed as they come and there is no snow balls chance in hell i will call him up to say im sorry for nothing because the last time we talked he said some pretty bad stuff not only him but i admit i did to but i will not take back anything that is said because everything i have said is the honest to goodness truth..

Seeing mom made me smile yet at the same time it made me mad all she asked me was did she get any money what about J.V i just think shes being selfish.. i dont know tho maybe im jumping to conclusions..

Just wish i could take back all the pain and sufferin my family has done.. But i know i cant so time will tell.. they did the crime time for them to do the time

Mom and Dads 26th Annivesary

Today is my parents 26th anniversary and sad enough to say they cant spend it to gether but they cant be here with the rest of us... even tho me and my family hate each other and cant get along but we still always know when to shut up and bare it. But 3 more years will come faster than i think but i still miss them terribly and i keep tellin my self things happen for a reason im still not sure if thats true of if thats some kind of lie i keep telling my self but hey if it keeps me going then hell im up for it.. I just mark it down as one more day they are still to gether and alive because no telling what would have happened to them if they would have kept going but then again its times like this that i wish they are here its times like this that i am the most lonley at.. .the times that i know we should be spending together such as there anniversary or Easter. Easter is a big thing for my family im use to them being there for every event in my life maybe not mentally but phyiscal but atleast now i can have my parents back on earth with me.. hmm that could be a good thing or a bad thing...

Poem for Mom

I Keep Hoping

Watching you as you lay there and suffer
Standing and watching at the side lines
Each time I see you it seems to get tougher
Asking you to stop so many times
I keep hoping it will change one day

You tell me that you are okay
Telling me that you wouldn’t lie to me
I keep hoping you will tell me the truth one day
I still pray that maybe you will see
I keep hoping it will change one day

To see that your not the only one hurting
But also those who are standing at your side
Maybe some day you will start caring
But I keep standing there showing faith and pride
I keep hoping it will change one day

You know what I beg you to drop
I knew you needed a friend
You knew the things I asked you to stop
But I also knew the things that you intend
I keep hoping it will change one day

I hear the sound of keys growing nearer
Is this a dream
The sound keeps growing clearer
I wanted to run I wanted to scream
I keep hoping it will change one day

I see you on the other side I reach out
And I feel nothing
I’m crying out to you , I begin to shout
Why wont you say something
I keep hoping it will change one day

I see your face and its streaming with tears
Suddenly it’s hard to swallow
Asking me to help your face full of fear
Everything I’ve ever known is hard to follow
I keep hoping it will change one day

I close my eyes
I want to run and hide it will all go away
Buts sadly its to my surprise
You cant run you must stay and pray
I keep hoping it will change one day

Pulling my hair in a crying rage
Feeling use less and let down
But I’m strong so I turn the page
As I lay here in sadness as I drown
I keep hoping it will change one day

I am strong and I have hope
It will turn out for the best
Cause I have learnt to cope
And not get so depressed
I keep hoping it will change one day

I wouldn’t have changed it at all
I here to fight till the end
I’m always there to help you when you fall
I’m your helping hand when you need a lend
I keep hoping it will change one day

I keep hoping it will change on day
I give it time
Im here to help every step of the way
To pay for everything even the crime

As my mom and dad
I hold you close to my heart
I know its sad
Hold your head up high and be strong while we’re apart.

Rage of Carrie

Sorry candyland i had to do it haha!! Thats halarious! find em' hot and leave em' wet!

THOSE WHO KNOW THE STORY WILL ONLY GET THIS ONE! BEWARE OF THe SQUIRRELS!!

Mom and Dad Poem

My heart only hearts when I breath

Waking up Sunday morning
Sometimes I wish I was dreaming
Knowing what has to be done
I begin reminding myself of the fun

Waiting a very long time
Wondering why she did the crime
But knowing its worth the while
To see her laugh and to see her smile

Wishing there were no glass
Wishing time would hurry and pass
Seeing how strong she can be
Knowing how hard this really is for me

We sit and talk reminiscing
About what each other is missing
Trying to make the best of this
But it is what it is

Time is up, time to go
This is the toughest time for me though
To get up and walk away
To wait on the next Sunday.

Sayin Goodbye

Saying Goodbye

18 years has flew by,
Momma kept asking me why;
The day I left we both cried,
I knew I had to set my fears aside.

Being the little pony tailed girl,
Wondering how I got here,
Being daddies little girl,
I knew how to get there.

He handed me a map,
Staring at it on my lap;
He had highlighted the way back,
He always knew how to keep me on track.

Seeing her fight back the tears,
Hearing her say “don’t forget about me”,
Wanting to help her fight her fears,
Wanting to help her see.

Saying Goodbye,
Can be harder than it seems,
I began to ask my self why,
Understanding what having parents really means.

I see you!

I did something yesterday that I have been waiting on for the last 6 months and that was to have face to face contact with my mother. We weren't suppose to but hey what they don't know wont hurt em' my mom is working at a church that sales clothes that people donates she's making 62 cents a day which isn't much but if you were where she is it would be plenty.

Before I left I printed off the directions on how to get there because knowing me I would get lost.. but do not fear I had my trusty little side kick with me to guide the way even tho he does tend to get bitten by a squirrel or turn down a one way going the wrong way once.. Ok ok twice. But we were off to the races and after a hour or so of driving and praying we don't get a ticket (because we always do) we were at our destination me douting his words on which way to go I tuck my tail because lord knows I have no sense of direction I follow his orders and go in the direction he commands me to.

We pull up to the building and into the drive he says "hey look there is your mom" as a child's instinct you'd think they'd notice their own mother before any body else would but nope not me I didn't even recognize her I got out of the car over joyed I wanted to whole slow motion run towards her but I was in disguises I couldn't be reconized I wasn't suppose to be there I wasn't suppose to be her daughter because if they found out we'd both be in real BIG trouble and I didn't want to be the one to ruin it for my mom so I played along looking at all the clothes I couldn't just go in and walk around with this woman talkin and laughin with out buying something so we made it look like she was helpin me shop I had my mom with me on one side and my trusty side kick on the other side it was like the old days I wanted to fall to my knees and cry asking god what I did so horrible to deserve everything that I have ever loved or showed the slightest happiness towards taking way from me. And I stopped for a second and took a deep breath in and it was like some one took all my pain and depression away and I felt as though I was ok and everything will be ok because every thing happens for a reason.

Aren't These Pretty!?

Note To Self:

Saying goodbye isnt always as easy as it seems

All About Me

CARRIE
C
is for
Colorful
A
is for
Arty
R
is for
Relaxing
R
is for
Relaxed
I
is for
Irresistible
E
is for
Enthusiastic

Valentines Was Good To Me

Heres my Valentine's day present
Pretty, yea?

Got Lurkers? I Do!

I'm gonna lay it all out for all you stupid fuckers who think there life is so damn bad!!!
I havent had contact with my mom and dad for about 6 months i have talked to them threw a glass window with a phone for 6 months. I get one phone call from my father a week and it is timed i only get 15 minutes i see him one time a week for 15 minutes threw a damn window and on a fucking phone and thats it. My mother i get 30 minutes a week 1 visit threw a glass window on a phone no phone calls no contact. If you know what thats like them more power to you... Now just yesturday my father got transferred to prision so now granted its good for him but i dont know if hes ok and o wont know for 2 months i cant talk to him and i wont hear from him! I knew that day was gonna come but when it did it was hard to swallow. My mom doesnt know any of this has happened and wont know till i break the news to her. On top of that my brother just went to jail to day. I will be doing this for the next 3 years or so.. its my choice because they are my family.

So its me taking care of all of them making sure they get what they need and making sure all there I's are dotted and and their T's are crossed. So when you feel lonley in this world just know one thing you not the only fucking one and my problems are alot more serious then ur husband cheating on you so when you tell me to grow up sorry Bitch i did a long time ago.. and if i wanted to come to where you are and kick your ass i would but your not worth me wasting my fucking time on! So get the hell off my blog and go fuckin do something constructive lazy ass!Oh and asshole you can put your money on who ever you please because you dont know me very well!

GOOD DAY SIR!

I Have The Power!

How funny it may be when you can search the computer and the person that is spending so much time researching your blog... exactly where they live, their ip address if your smart enough to figure it out and what kind of computer and if im correct im sure i can digg up a phone number.. give me a day or two and ill get back to you just wanted to let ya know since you are spending about 6 hours of your time on my blog just one more thing ..... do you think you know me now?
quit lurking... your not gonna find what your looking for!

Lurkers Lurking Here!

Just because you read my blog you think you know me or your do you think you understand me? Or do you think my life is easy when you think you can handle being in my shoes just tell me ill be more then happy let you have a shot.... and i will wish you the best of luck. I just want some one to have one day in my shoes and see that its living hell.. then just maybe... maybe the would see that the things they deal with is petty... and they will shut the hell up

To call some one immature for something completely stupid... well if you want to act childish the here's you a good sayin Mrs... "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me" im sure your small minded enough to understand that....

Oh and one more word if fat is the only thing you can come up with you need to try harder you worthless good for nothing father.. its not my fault you think what you think and maybe you need help... good luck to the both of you

and as for my blog i post everything on the internet to entertain people like you
one thing my momma always taught me was to 1. Never judge any one 2. Never let any one get to me

and you my friend havent even begain to...

If you have enough time on you hands to sit and read my blog and talk shit about me well at least your lettin some one else rest congrats to you

You choose to live your life the way you do and i choose to live my life the way i do

I really could careless about how many kids you have

what do i play in this fight well candys my friend and friends dont cross friends

OH AND THERES ONE THING I FORGOT MOMMA TAUGHT ME
TELL PEOPLE LIKE YOU TO FUCK OFF

and like my good friend says GOOD DAY SIR!

Because You Candy

because she knows me..
because she can put a smile on my face even in the most depressed times in my life..
because we can sit and chat.. or should i say gossip for hours and never get board..
because we live so far away from each other but still can keep a friend ship strong..
because you understand me ..
because you can give me advice even when you dont think you can..
because you are special to me...
because much love..

thank you candy land


Like the song goes.....
make new friends but keep the old one is silver and the other is gold

Kenny Chesney- Who'd You Be Today Lyrics

This is for you candyland.... tonite while i was driving i remember i had bought a cd a while a go and for some odd reason i wanted to listen to it so i popped it in and went to number 4 and the song " who'd you be today" by Kenny Chesney.

Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin' in the rain.
I still can't believe you're gone.

It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who'd you be today?

Would you see the world? Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family,
I wonder what would you name your babies?
Some days the sky's so blue,
I feel like I can talk to you,
An' I know it might sound crazy.

It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who you'd be today?

Today, today, today.
Today, today, today.

Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
The only thing that gives me hope,
Is I know I'll see you again some day.
Some day, some day, some day.

That song reminded me alot about how i feel about becky just knowing that shes gone from time to time hurts and me waking up and wanting to call her and then it hitting you like a brick wall that shes never going to be there again... I knew you (candy) could relate to this just like i can...

much luv candy land was thinkin about ya hope your gettin over that nasty cold... miss ya awful...