Mom and Dad

I dont understand it some days i will ignore this blog and put it in the back of my head and some days i cant type fast enough to keep up with all the stuff in my head. Went grocery shopping today for the big turkey day spent money that i didnt want to come up off of because im a tight ass. Thankful for my mom to be here with me but still somethings missing as much as i try to ignore it i cant i want my dad to be here but i guess bitter sweet memorys. Some days i want him to be here and i cry about it then some days i get pissed off and think well he didnt want to spend time with me then what makes me think he will be there when he gets out. Im scared shitless that he will go back to doing what he did before i would sell me soul to the devil to know for sure he has learnt his lesson. But i guess i havent learnt my lesson to know i cant do it for them as much as i want to i cant make them do what i want them to do they are going to have to do it for there selfs there childern and for there grandchildren and future grandchildren i cant threatin them i know that makes them wanna do it even more i cant go every where with them because i cant have a life my self i dont want my children to be around it so i guess if they go back they will just have to do it with out me i cant fight this battle anymore there is no fight left in this dog. I wish my dad could be here i would enjoy his presents but i would rather have him straight as a board then so high he has no clue where hes at. So i hate to say it im thankful they got busted im thank ful they got sent to where they are ane were at maybe it will keep em' straight but who knows!