Ever just have one of those days you just want to sit and cry? I usually don't get those I just brush stuff off and keep going but here lately I cant get my self to brush it off I sit and cry I really need to do something about it I cant keep doing this im tired of being this way I hate my self for it but what can I do you run from the problem and eventually it will catch up and bring you to your knees... I could keep it bottled up but I know how I am I will eventually blow up because im a walkin bomb. I guess first I need to find out what the problem is and try an figure out how to solve the problem.. finding the problem can be harder then it looks.. just tired of all the stress tired of all the shit tired of being a rock for people to lean on because I just feel like im failing at life feel like im tied up and going no where... an going no where fast.
I miss my dad I say that a lot but we are 5 hours away from each other had haven't had a real conversation in nearly 4 months it kills me to know that everything I have ever known is locked up behind bars but what can you do you know but sit by their side and tell them everything will be ok until you begin to wonder if your lieing to your self to. Is it all one big lie? Will it be ok? Questions that are in my head 24/7 365 days a year it will be a year in September since my mom and dad have made the biggest mistake of their lives and I know its killing them to know they are in there and knowing they should be out here with me holding me up helping me be strong helping guide me instead of it being the other way around.. The reason I know this is because there isn't a letter that my dad doesn't send me saying how sorry he is. I just want to know where the hell I messed up what did I fail in to deserve this.. Simple as that what the hell did I do. I don't know when I get knocked down if its im strong enough to get back up or is it im to stupid to realize to stay the hell down and take it. But no I get back up lick my wounds and continue to fight why because that's what my dad has always taught me.. That and never care what others think about me because im who I have to wake up with im who I have to deal with and if no one likes me the hell with them. I just don't understand how someone who can raise me the way they have and teach me the things they have turn up where they are?! But I guess that when your at the top there is only one way to go and that is down and that's where we are at rock bottom... Now its time to pick our selves back up and fight for who and what we want.
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