Sittin here looking at photographs some send excitement threw my body thinkin wow I can remember when I did that or wow I looked good.. But theres always those that you will stumble upon not meaning to that will bring everything crashing to the ground.. I know things always get worse before they get better or at least thats what they all tell me anyways.. Well I feel the worse has came and gone and its time to shine a little light in on my situation.. Time for mom to come home and start a fresh new life and be happy and wait on dad to come home to and with a little time and help we will hopefully all be together again but things never go as planed EVER! So im dreading the long road a head of me! Im scared of the bumps and turns im scared of not knowing what will come!
Growing up in the family I have, I have learnt to give hope and maybe things will pull threw.. hope is what i got but my family isnt. I was sitting down to day and I was going to attempt to write, something I haven't done in quite some time I couldn't get my mind to stop wondering.. Its seemed to be hard to do now days! Time apart can that be made up for? Can you teach an old dog new tricks? Do things really happen for a reason? These are some of the questions I find my self pulling my hair out over from day to day... waiting on the next letter waiting on the next im ok. Times have changed and so have the people around me I just hope they can keep up. I miss them I love them and I pray for them... but is that enough? Can I do this!!!!!!!!! I told her I will be her legs to stand I will be her wall to lean on I will be her best friend and I will be her eyes to guide her threw the rough and tiring journey thats a sacrifice I am willing to take to see her smile...
A smile makes it all go away, a laugh makes me ok, to see her to know she's ok makes me sleep at night. What makes me have the nightmares is never seeing him, hes a tough old bird and he even says so be can words be enough to satisfy me? No I want proof I want to be able to give him a hug to tell him I love him and not to worry about me im ok I love him and things will get better soon.. right? I don't want to lie to him but if that makes it all better is that right? I lie to my self day in and day out telling my self it will all be ok.. to day will be better then yesterday I wont cry I wont be sad I wont do this to my self but then just like always I tuck my tail and cry wonderin what I did why, what ever it is im paying for it now!!
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