Well this Saturday had to be one of the very few best days in my life. I finally got to see my father. Me and my trusty side kick you know who you are much love for you got up at 2am drove 5 hours straight had to be there at 8:30 might I add I made it there 30 minutes early drove up this beautiful long ass drive! I pulled up to the gate gave the lady our license scared of what would happen next due to never being there and this being a not so very nice place to be I was a little scared!!! She checked my car for drugs and or guns (like id have one!!) she seemed very nice and I think she could see the questionalbe face I had asked me if I had ever been here before I told her no she explained everything I had to do. I got out of my car and I felt like I had to throw up my heart wanted to go in and see him by my legs were so nervous they wanted to run the other direction.
I walked up to the counter scared and my legs shakin afraid they were actually going to give out right under me. The lady sets a clipboard on top of the counter I fill it out with my name and his name and I walk in to this big room like it was a school cafeteria with 50 or so tables just sitting some with 2 chairs and some with 3 the man with the keys instructs me which table I need to sit at I make my way I sit down waiting patiently looking around inspecting the place thinkin this is where my father will be the next 3 years of his life while waitin me leg is goin 90 to nothing under the table. Im not the put you on the spot kinda person. Finally I see my dad walkin in the same door I came in suddenly it really hit me I wanted to run and throw my arms around him but my legs wouldn't carry me, my legs on the other hand was tryin to run away. He walked up to the table were we were waiting on him we both calmly look at each other and hug sit down with tears in both of our eyes I knew he don't like cryin in front of people and I knew if I cried it would cause him to so I held them in and the next 5 hours were the best and fastest 5 of my entire life. We talked about the good ol' days we talked about stuff I needed to take care of we talked about him going to school we talked about everything.Right before we left I gave him another hug told him to keep his head up and that I loved him and I missed him and as strong as he could I held back all his tears and said "don't worry kiddo im a tough ol' man I can do anything take care drive safe I love you and miss you and tell your mom the same". I couldn't do it anymore I wanted to bursted out in to tears because leaving something is the hardest thing in the world to do. I strong in there for him but as soon as I walked out of that room I turned and looked there he stood with his arms crossed and his bottom lip quivering tryin his damnest to fight everything back but he wasn't accomplishing much I seen the tears running down his face and that's when I knew it was ok to cry to
I barley made it out of the place and I wanted to fall to my knees and scream why does this happen to me why do I always have to be the strong one why is god punishing me!!! I wanted answers I haven't been getting in the last 19 years. I made it to the car and that is where I cried till I fell asleep which was about a hour with my trusty side kick driving.
I said I hated my brother and he wished hed fall off the face of the earth too but now hes were they are at and im left alone once again with no body alone abandoned scared and useless I cant do anything and I am so close to giving up its not funny! But if I gave up then who would care for them and worry about them and talk to them?
NOTE TO SELF AND EVERYONE WHO READS THIS: The things or the people you have appreciate them love them care for them because you never know when they will be gone! And ever let someone you love slip threw your fingers because something terrible may happen to them its all in what curve ball god throughs at you next just be prepared!
Candyland its tough and I understand what your goin threw and I know your a strong person you can get threw this remember Yankee bitches wear starwars underwear (inside joke ya'll) and what knocks us down makes us stronger, yes? Keep me posted you haven't texted me yet don't make me borrow your broomstick and fly my ass up there and by the way hand over your broomstick there will be no flyin anytime soon!! Smile it does the body good!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment