Fuck hell week!

The last week has been straight hell ive been vomiting to the point there isnt anything left and yet still my body keeps up with the urge to vomit i dont understand.. No candyland im not preggers trust me you've got to have some sort of action to be that away nothing to worry about there me and mommy dearest has already discussed that. I guess you can call it my vacation and i have a new best friend toilet. Between running a fever of 101.3 and vomiting and sleeping in between all of that ive been thinking at first i was jealous of all my friends and others getting married and havin babies and stuff but now im glad i didnt make any of those mistakes not only do i not want to be vomiting for 9 months i dont really want to be married either and have the headaches for the rest of my life. I went to the doctor yesterday they did some blood work and i thought i was going to make a new exist to the doctors office when they told me that they were going to do lab work on me scared the holy shit out of me! I guess i can post about my sickness when its over right now i have something bearing on my mind!!!!

Ok since the whole "through sickness and in health" thing is one of the main vows i know im not married yet but DAMN IT ITS BEEN 6 YEARS together you would think he would know a little something about me by now... right? He says he took care of me while i was sick says he got my soup and got me sprite and covered me up even when i was sweating and runnin a fever at the same time he didnt hold my hair while i was puking he didnt ask me if i was ok he didnt cuddle up on the couch with me and hold me because if any girl is like me all they want when they are sick is to be loved on a hug and a kiss cuddle with maybe tell them they love them when they feel like it. It took me crying because he was acting stupid said he was trying to get me to feel better by hell i dont know scareing me or something.. i started crying and said all i wanted was him to love on me let me know he cares what he does is set on the couch with my legs in his lap and stare at the tv thats it i ask to be loved on he does the high pitch thing and says I DID im starting to think he doesnt care what little does he know im tired of threating im tired of repeating im tired of having to keep telling his ass one of these days i will pack my shit and leave i can find better i can find some one who is willing to help me up when i am down if he isnt then he can go to hell. Today i think i got poision ivy so i asked him earlier to get a rag and get put some dove soap on it and rub me down because all i want to do is scratch it he argues about it then when i tell him fine what ever he gets up to get the rag and i already said fine he then "playing" hits me across the eyes with a soapy rag im tired of it if this is what i get then i dont want any part of it im so tired of it not once has he came in hugged me or anything with out me asking him to i mean damn if it isnt there it just isnt there. I dont want to be like my parents and not be happy im willing to leave an find happiness some where he can have all of the shit i dont want it any more i dont want a damn part of it hes going to keep pushing until he realizes that he made a mistake and then it will be too late i wont have feelings for him anymore... or he wont ever realize.