Well i was trying to break my self from this damn blog its like trying to quit a bad habit. When you tell your self you dont need it you always find your self wanting more like a thirst you cant quench. I was listening to snow patrol chasing cars and listenin to it rain, watching it lightening its just so soothing.

I wish i could go back at least a few years hold it there and enjoy all the things that we had and loved the thoughts we shared the moments we took for granted, but it isnt as easy as that is it? We cant do what we please. When i get lonely i turn on the country station knowing how its going to turn out but i do it any ways.. the same ol' me on my knees with my head buried in my hands tears, no one listening because they cant feel the pain why should they attempt to care because i will just push away because they dont know what it feels to feel my pain right? Why do i do this to my self its like i like self punishment to sit and think up all the shit all the shit that i dont wanna fucking think about i hate my self for letting it happen but what can i do how can i stop it, its like a diesase that takes over my body... Its been since august since ive seen him AUGUST is anyone listening this is now the end of FEB people i cant get my act to gether for worryin about them why why do i let this take over my thoughts my head my heart my life! How can i let something like this pull me down.. here i am on rock bottom wishing there was some one to save me some one to pull me back up for a breath of air because i cant do it my self i need that person and as i sit here listening to my self cry i look around and there is no one not a single soul Not my father not my brother not anyone in my family not a single soul ive been crying over but thats my fault right i shouldnt let these things get to me i shouldnt let the small things in life pull me down. Hes aways said dont worry about him he will lay still with thats all the fight left in the dog well im laying still... Layin still on the ground wrapped up in a ball scared but fearless tired but cant sleep crying but laughing at my self because no matter how many times i say i wont do it again i will again and again an again because that is just want i do im the door matt that everyone wipes their feet on.. NEXT PLEASE!