Just wanted to post since i havent in like forever

I got the news yesturday about my momma and i cant say how happy i am granted it would be great to have both my mom and my dad out ( see how stingy i am) But i get one just one and i am happy to say its my mom. Mom is about a hour away in fulton she hasnt had it as bad as dad shes kinda been treated like david the first time he went in if you know my mom or my dad they took care of my brother gave him how ever much money he said he needed they didnt care how they got it as long as he had what he said he needed plus some i think that they thought they owed him that much since my grandma kept him all the time.. well thats been me ill be 20 in september and instead of my mom and dad taking care of me im taking care of them i go see my mom every week i work to give her the money she needs i dont give her $100 every week like she would like but i give her $100 a month i mean seriously where she gonna go to spend that u would believe she can make it last a month well i thought wrong there is something she does with that money but i dunno what she says things are expensive there which they probably are but i dont know about that. Well anyway i do as much as i can for her i
1. go to her house an get the mail
2. go see her every single week i drive a hour to do so.
3. make sure shes got a place to stay when she gets out on parole
4. give her money.
5 go to the lawyers office all the time when ever they say jump i say how high.
6. i do what ever they ask me to do
because why you ask? Because they are my parents they may not have been your ideal parents but they are MINE and whether or not they stand up to your standards they have supported me backed me up been there for me threw the most part and i continue to stand at there side proud with a smile on my face and i can look you in the eye and say i have faith that my mom and dad will get out and prove everyone wrong that keeps talking bad about them and saying that they wont amount to nothing when they get out. Because with out faith what HONESTLY what do you have.
My father has been the strongest person i know he has been the backbone of our family besides my grandma. My grandma didnt care who ran their mouth about her shed give em' the finger and walk way because if you didnt want a part of her she sure didnt need you. My grandma and grandpa taught my dad what a family is all about because his dad didnt have FAITH it took my grandma till the day she passed away to show my dad how short life is and how valueble it is.. with out my grandma there they were on their own threw this journey in life no one there to steer them in the right direction but me i helped i played a big part in keeping my mom and dad out of trouble but like every kid i grew up and couldnt wait to get out of kenucky moved to indiana which was a big mistake not only did i leave all my friends and family but i lost the only year i had with my mom and dad as a family.
With my dad being the back bone being said. You make wake up one day and be depressed and then your day get better and your not so depressed anymore well not my dad once hes down hes down for a long time. He wrote me a letter the other day its not really anybodys buisness what was in the letter but it made me cry because i cant go see him as much as i want to i hate it.. i have always been a daddys girl and my dad being 5 hours away is KILLING ME!!! I dont get to see him i give him as much money as i can its hard supportng him and mom. He feels alone he doesnt need to talk to a shrink none of that shit all he needs is his family a hug maybe to see people hes spent his entire life with hes been wanting to see me and mom and i cant wait for that hug from mom ive been waiting a year for i cant wait for the hug and the 5 hour visit with dad i been DIEING for mom maybe be in a hell hole but mentally dad is too. If your gonna blame someone for what they did dont blame either or blame both of them!

BY THE WAY MOM GOT PAROLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random depressing thoughts dont really know why...

Ever just have one of those days you just want to sit and cry? I usually don't get those I just brush stuff off and keep going but here lately I cant get my self to brush it off I sit and cry I really need to do something about it I cant keep doing this im tired of being this way I hate my self for it but what can I do you run from the problem and eventually it will catch up and bring you to your knees... I could keep it bottled up but I know how I am I will eventually blow up because im a walkin bomb. I guess first I need to find out what the problem is and try an figure out how to solve the problem.. finding the problem can be harder then it looks.. just tired of all the stress tired of all the shit tired of being a rock for people to lean on because I just feel like im failing at life feel like im tied up and going no where... an going no where fast.

I miss my dad I say that a lot but we are 5 hours away from each other had haven't had a real conversation in nearly 4 months it kills me to know that everything I have ever known is locked up behind bars but what can you do you know but sit by their side and tell them everything will be ok until you begin to wonder if your lieing to your self to. Is it all one big lie? Will it be ok? Questions that are in my head 24/7 365 days a year it will be a year in September since my mom and dad have made the biggest mistake of their lives and I know its killing them to know they are in there and knowing they should be out here with me holding me up helping me be strong helping guide me instead of it being the other way around.. The reason I know this is because there isn't a letter that my dad doesn't send me saying how sorry he is. I just want to know where the hell I messed up what did I fail in to deserve this.. Simple as that what the hell did I do. I don't know when I get knocked down if its im strong enough to get back up or is it im to stupid to realize to stay the hell down and take it. But no I get back up lick my wounds and continue to fight why because that's what my dad has always taught me.. That and never care what others think about me because im who I have to wake up with im who I have to deal with and if no one likes me the hell with them. I just don't understand how someone who can raise me the way they have and teach me the things they have turn up where they are?! But I guess that when your at the top there is only one way to go and that is down and that's where we are at rock bottom... Now its time to pick our selves back up and fight for who and what we want.

Johnny Depp

The sexiest man alive!!!!

Thinking

To get up and walk away from it all is what is easy, to through the towel in is what i can do but i will not i am determind to make this work i am determind to keep you here with me i have been this caged raging animal since i can remember tired of all the strings attached but i do it for you tired of all the sleepless nights and all the tears i have shed but i do it like a champ for you. You say im your world if i was your world why did you betray me like you did.. that is a question i choose not to press i love you for what you have done and i love you because not a day goes by i dont kick my self for not kicking you. There is nothin that can take the thought of you away your permently in my heart and in my mind i love you for who you are and what you have made me. Just know that i love you you are my family my heart and my soul you are the reason i get up each morning and continue to go.